umcheese:

When your squad roasting you but they make valid points

an-xfile:

actuallybenwyatt:

I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend.
Friend: do you want to get a beer?
Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

ive literally never heard someone say that what fuckin australians did you meet

mexicanheaux:

i hate when your friends say something problematic and youre like??? i didnt raise you to be like that??

haunt-my-miles:

prince-squid:

If you tried to live on iceburg lettuce alone, you would have to eat 34 heads of lettuce daily and you would spend $17,551 annually before dying of multiple nutrient deficiencies.

why was this calculated

yabitter:

this just in: jk rowling regrets entire harry potter series. says she meant to write about blizzards, not wizards. isn’t sure what happened.